Please help me!!!

Inside my body, I'm really hungry. These days I'm 21 years old, but when I was in grade school, I had a thing for my friend's feet. We would touch and even slap each other's feet. I feel very ashamed to be gay now that I'm an adult, and I don't feel like a gay person because guys don't like me. The man I want to marry is eating me alive because his family thinks I'm gay. I want a girl like that, but when I find her, they'll kill me with history. I don't know how to deal with this problem or how to explain that I'm not who I used to be or what happened to me. I'm so desperate!!! Please help me